The Neverending Reader

I got promoted. After all the wait (which really I guess wasn’t that long) and all the struggle it was for me to accept that the other jobs I went for were not the right ones, I finally got the job that was right for me! I will be moving back home to be closer to my bestest friends and my family! It’s been 3 years being away and it is a relief to know that we will be taken care of and close to a place that we are familiar with. My husband will be happy to be back near his friends and in a city he knows that isn’t Los Angeles. We may have to be apart for a few weeks to a month but it will all be for the best, and not like we haven’t done that already this year (for three month’s while he was taking care of his Dad). So thank goodness I was granted the serenity I needed and I will be starting my new job in 2 days… Wish me luck

 

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

 

Maybe if I keep repeating this to myself it will help…

I’ve been looking up things on patience and it is very interesting to me. I know that I am an impatient person, but not in the sense that most websites talk about. I guess my impatience is really towards the things that I can not do anything about, or at least that which I do not think I can do anything about. I cannot make a decision for someone else and I it is hard for me to wait to hear a decision that will effect my life from someone else. Once the decision is made I can deal with it, I may be upset for a little while but I can definitely deal with it. I am not as impatient and I think I am… (I’m now imagining a little train going “I think I can, I think I can”). I know I can… I just have to wait for someone else to know I can too.

Two years ago today I said goodbye. It doesn’t hurt any less today than it did then. I miss your laugh, I miss your voice and your hugs and your advice. I miss going to visit you and hearing about all the things that were happening with work. I miss you and knowing that you were always there for me, no matter what. I wish you had been able to walk me down the aisle and dance with me on my wedding day. I wish you were here for me to tell you, Happy Father’s Day. I’m sorry that I didn’t make a big enough deal about it before, when I had the chance. I hope you’re still with me and that you’re proud of me and what I have become in the last two years. I miss you Daddy.
Your oochy boochy girl.

I started feeling better yesterday. Even though I had to go into work for the 5th day in a row (not too bad, but kind of odd in retail) I decided to give up being sad and hurt by the fact that I did not get promoted. People don’t get promoted all the time, and people don’t always get promoted right when they want too and I now know that I am no different. It felt good to just go on being my normal self and back to being Auriella.

Then, we had a rough night. I didn’t sleep well, and I feel like I’ve been fighting with my husband since about 11pm last night. I’m trying to let go of that too because I know I will feel better when I do. We don’t deal with things in the same way, and his way is to be silent while my way is to scream and shout and get it all out. Once again, life will go on. I’m trying to let it go.

Now, as I’ve begun to let things happen in my life that I wanted to have control over, there is another job open that would allow me to move closer to our families. It’s definitely worth a shot and I’m going to give it all I have. So, please wish me luck, or pray for me or keep me in your thoughts… whatever you choose but it would be greatly appreciated

Alright… I think I’ve figured it out. I am upset that I didn’t get the job (or the other 2 that I have gone for in the last month), there is no denying that. What I am really upset about though, is that I wasn’t the right candidate. Does that mean that I am mad at all the other people who did get the job… well no. I just want to be the right candidate!

Alright, so maybe I haven’t figured it out. I probably never will. I can put a smile on my face and continue on like I am not angry or upset and that will probably work for awhile, but I just don’t know what to do. I spent a few minutes this morning looking to see what other jobs are open in California and that didn’t really make me feel any better. This is what I want to do! I don’t want to settle on something else. I was worried that if I kept going to each job that opened up that people would start to talk about me just wanting to be out of the position that I am in now. I have decided that I can’t think that way because if I do I will never move on to my next step. What would look like that though is if I just went for any job that was open right now. Any job that could possibly get me out of the place that I am in now.

Sure, I am not at my happiest in the place that I am now. I live in a crappy apartment that is way too small for 2 people and a dog. I think the worst part of what I am feeling is stagnant. I feel like I have done so much in the last year and I am back to where I started a year ago. I don’t know what to do. Find something else to concentrate on perhaps, but what? I can’t even make a tasty peanut butter and jelly sandwich I am in such a funk!

I don’t have money to put in to some new hobby, or even the hobbies that I currently have. I have bills to pay, and I’m trying to get my credit up to a point where we could some day buy a house or another new car. I guess I just need to pick up something I have already started and get excited about something… anything in my life. I should probably get ready for work… I need to be there in a little more than an hour

Well, as usual I am not very good at keeping up a blog. I’m going to try to start over again…

As other things in my life are starting to fall apart (or at least they are feeling like that), then I have to figure that I need to do something to keep myself together. I will continue to talk about books and my reading, and hopefully my writing as well, but I may include some stuff about my personal life. Starting now.

I have been rejected from 3 different jobs in the past month or so. I am doing my very best not to be upset about it, but it’s definitely starting to wear on me. Am I not good enough? Am I ever going to get promoted again? Should I be looking for something different to do? I know that all 3 of those jobs weren’t the right one… that the right job will come along but I am not good at being patient. I am very antsy about moving on with my life as I didn’t think it would take this long to move forward in my career. I know that there are other things that I can be concentrating on and that will just have to be my personal life instead.

 

I am currently reading “The Happiness Project”

and I don’t think that I like it. I think it might be making me feel like I’m not doing enough in my life, or in my marriage to make sure that I am happy. Sure… I know that I am dwelling on not getting promoted right now but gosh darn it I think I deserve to be miserable about it, at least for a little while. In all honestly, I know who I am and what I can do, and I know that eventually someone else will see that and give me a job where I can use all of my energy, creative juices and maybe get better compensated for it. For right now I want to be miserable and upset. At least until tomorrow. I’ll keep posting on the Happiness Project… maybe it will get better and I continue to read it. Maybe it will convince me to move on with my life.