The Neverending Reader

That I can't seem to practice or understand in any terms. I thought I was on the right track but in all honesty I am going crazy with wonder and planning. The thoughts going on in my mind are making me crazy with anticipation, dread, fervor for something that I feel should happen on my time... not someone else's. Why do I feel like things should always happen on my terms? Why do I feel like everyone should be thinking about me? There is no real reason for this just the fact that I need to work on this! How will I ever be satisfied with my life if I am always expecting things to go my way and happen when I. Want them too? I am lucky for the things that have happened on my time so far in my life... can't I just be satisfied that I have a future somewhere? I really need to do something nice for my husband. He puts up a lot with me and my craziness. But what?