The Neverending Reader

Alright… I think I’ve figured it out. I am upset that I didn’t get the job (or the other 2 that I have gone for in the last month), there is no denying that. What I am really upset about though, is that I wasn’t the right candidate. Does that mean that I am mad at all the other people who did get the job… well no. I just want to be the right candidate!

Alright, so maybe I haven’t figured it out. I probably never will. I can put a smile on my face and continue on like I am not angry or upset and that will probably work for awhile, but I just don’t know what to do. I spent a few minutes this morning looking to see what other jobs are open in California and that didn’t really make me feel any better. This is what I want to do! I don’t want to settle on something else. I was worried that if I kept going to each job that opened up that people would start to talk about me just wanting to be out of the position that I am in now. I have decided that I can’t think that way because if I do I will never move on to my next step. What would look like that though is if I just went for any job that was open right now. Any job that could possibly get me out of the place that I am in now.

Sure, I am not at my happiest in the place that I am now. I live in a crappy apartment that is way too small for 2 people and a dog. I think the worst part of what I am feeling is stagnant. I feel like I have done so much in the last year and I am back to where I started a year ago. I don’t know what to do. Find something else to concentrate on perhaps, but what? I can’t even make a tasty peanut butter and jelly sandwich I am in such a funk!

I don’t have money to put in to some new hobby, or even the hobbies that I currently have. I have bills to pay, and I’m trying to get my credit up to a point where we could some day buy a house or another new car. I guess I just need to pick up something I have already started and get excited about something… anything in my life. I should probably get ready for work… I need to be there in a little more than an hour